Volunteer

The opportunity arose for me to be the member of a volunteer group. We were asked to discuss finances from a personal perspective with young mothers who were working their way out of homelessness in Baltimore’s inner city. I looked at my roots which happen to be firmly grounded in left wing liberal social soil—my parents are both social workers. These women had a legacy of financial insecurity with their own families preying on their meager monetary strength. Were there commonalities between us?

For years my cocktail conversation with new people centered around what I did for a living. My career life to others was interesting. Once I stopped working, the bulk of the talk centered around my husband and his business. On the occasion the verbal locus turned to me and someone prodded into my background, my well researched, self-appointed, title homemaker received the spoiler alert response (no wonder Dale Carnegie recommends not asking people about their work). They transitioned the conversation to kids and politely went to grab a bite to eat.

I don’t know if the freeze, think, turn away response was due to us hanging out with the wrong people. Maybe it’s social commentary on the large presence of dual income families. Perhaps my not working and being interested in their careers would take people off guard. Maybe difference of lifestyle opinions makes people uncomfortable. Or simply stated, most people don’t have experience talking about non-work life activities with women. Whatever the case, it felt as though people didn’t pretend to be interested in me beyond my career. I realized quickly that I needed to find some basis of interesting discussion. I love being a mom but I am no supermom, the business of child rearing wasn’t cutting it for me. I didn’t like feeling invisible.

At home, it was the opposite. Not working made me like a piece of fresh meat to mold into whatever meal my friends, family and business contacts thought I wanted. I was amazed at the opportunities that came my way when I took a pause in my professional life. People who I would’ve never guessed cared about my career offered me jobs, businesses, writing opportunities and seats on boards. But I needed the break. I needed to connect with my family, myself and the world around me. It would’ve been easy to fall back into the abyss of success. But each path was someone else’s life dream or perception of mine. I needed to choose the next step on my own.

Volunteering in the distressed neighborhoods of my city was something I’d wanted to do for some time. I was curious how Baltimore’s divides of rich and poor became so contrary. To me there is beauty and peace in living simply. I reviewed the volunteer request, my schedule, talked with my husband and thoughtfully responded yes to sharing my story. Quickly I learned my financial decisions developed in a manner polar opposite to that of everyone in the group from leader to struggling mother. How could I be so unique? It also became apparent that being born into simplicity today can create massive internal disorganization. My need for social banter became a way for me to think outside of myself and realize how impactful this opportunity was on us all.