Competitively Overwhelmed, Neighbor

Volunteering allowed me a night out away from being Mom. I needed something to keep my brain active and to allow myself some distance from my then 18month old daughter. The separation and quiet allowed me time to process what was going on at home like how to deal with a tantrum, potty training or a change in the sleep schedule. Motherhood was turning out to be a 90-100 hour a week job that was both physically and emotionally exhausting. So what did I do? I added more to my plate.

In our neighborhood, it was common knowledge that if you needed sugar it was easier to get it from the store than ask your neighbor. It’s not that our houses are that far apart, it’s that none of us had made the effort to introduce ourselves to each other beyond the immediacy of next door. I don’t know what the reasoning was, maybe it was more comfortable that way, maybe people were overbooked with activities and didn’t have room in their lives to add more interactions. The book Bowling Alone by Robert Putnam explores this concept in full. Nonetheless, I grew up in a neighborhood where we all knew one another and it was really idyllic and I decided I didn’t want to accept this new way of living for myself. I wanted to share a community environment with my daughter. One where people of diverse backgrounds, ethnicities and ages interacted together. Hence, I did what I knew best, I made the uncomfortable comfortable and had a party.

Knowing that part of the act was selfish and an effort to get to know the ones who were staying around I planned a potluck going away party for a neighbor who was moving. I introduced myself to members of the street outside, made small talk each time I ran into someone and eventually got over half of the neighborhood to our house and made contact with the other 50%. The resounding conversation was that they would like to bring back a crabfeast (a Maryland tradition) that the neighborhood had had over 40 years ago. I knew about this neighborhood party and was excited to hear that more people were wanting of a community, just like me and my family desired.

So I acted instead of asked. In other words, the neighborhood association wasn't consulted before we began. Everyone who had brought up the idea of a crabfeast to me earlier was contacted and invited to sit on a committee. I made it social by microwaving some crab dip, baking Pillsbury cinnamon rolls and chilling a couple bottles of wine. In other words, I had a meeting where our community planned a block party. It’s a lot of work and at times we don’t want to put in the effort to continue the renewed tradition, but it is incredibly rewarding to have a neighborhood activity that bonds us all together. So we keep keeping on.

I’m not willing to accept the new status quo. I will put in a little effort, step away from my comfort zone and reap the rewards, which always seem to be many. All by forcing myself to compete with what is. Initially I was tired from the extra effort but in the long run, my new community allows me a break from life when I need it because now I have others on which to rely—sugar, childcare, dogwalking, advice or a ride. Four years later, and still going strong, our community has transformed into a supportive foundation for relational growth.