Leadership: Fear of the Known

In any team, someone has to find common ground, define a strategy, choose a course and rise to the position of leader. Not everyone wants to lead. In fact, there is great comfort in not taking this seat. Life will remain as status quo, you may have a little extra work if you are part of the team, but it is all within your control and if you screw up, the person in charge will cover for you because they are the ones who will ultimately be judged. The result of not having a leader or of having one without aim is that the idea will move a very short distance in an unreliable direction. On a mass scale, this concept works. The presence of the thought will be made visible. But leadership is how small scale ideas grow into something big.

When my mom and I started the book writing process, neither of us had personal experience writing a book. Sure, my mother supported my father through the process of writing and publishing two books but she had never done it on her own. She’d written grants that gained money year after year for non-profits and published articles on foster care. But a book? To her the action seemed wistful. I however believe that similar skills are transferrable—I’ve developed and published magazines, run a communications department, published articles and have had my ideas, once viewed by others as lofty, published in The Baltimore Sun. I know that whatever I dream and put my energy and hard work into is within my grasp.

So, I did what I knew best, I wrote the strategy for the book down on paper. I defined the goals, audience, voice, tense, list of interviews, possible themes, and marketing ideas (three years into the process, this has all changed). Becoming the leader wasn’t a role I asked for, it was one I took. And, it is very uncomfortable. Because it’s the leader’s vision toward which the team works, leadership is the fear of the known, of the, “I’m right.” Meaning I am required to know that I need: guidance, help, advice, more research, to point out the obvious, to ask why? Why? WHY?; the list of “adult” conversations we must initiate as leaders is endless.

With the book I don’t have the luxury to slow down. The amount of time I have to work on the project is small. Remember, husband, kids, family, volunteering for my church, community and maintaining my friendships and exercise are very important to me. Because of my desire for balance, I need my actions to result in a great deal of return. In the past, I lead with babysteps because I didn’t believe others carried the same desire for excellence as me. Perhaps their vision for greatness was in a capacity different from my own. Maybe I did them a disservice by allowing them to develop at a slower pace.

In this project, I know my mom’s not quitting and I know our relationship will rebound from whatever I say (and what she says in return). I have faith in her that we share the same goal of creating something truthful, meaningful and life-changing. That through the discomfort our connection will only become deeper and more profound. As is true with all leaders and especially so with only two people involved, the control bounces back and forth. It keeps us in check and ensures that we are always trying harder and not allowing ourselves to sink into the melancholy of status quo.