SHORT STORY: "I'll Take My Kids to a Farm Instead"

The first time I told my mom how I learn things from random strangers, she laughed. I can see how she could roll her eyes. She believes in education and legitimately earned ranks. I am a curious empath and a firm believer that everyone is an expert in something.

So, when I was at the grocery store and engaged in conversation with the grocery store checker, Doreen, I was happy to weigh her opinion on the subjects of family and the pandemic. As a frontline worker in the distribution center of all things domestic, she must have come to some conclusions that I had not gleaned.

Inadvertently I initiated conversation when I explained why I didn’t need her to add two pumpkins to my order anymore. “I’ll take my kids to a farm instead.” I explained. My verbose response indicated how hungry I was for human interaction.

Doreen lifted her eyes from her register, paused and looked at me. “If the Pandemic hasn’t taught us anything more than the importance of being around family, I don’t know what good it’s done.”

I teared up at her comment. She was so right.

I agreed with Doreeen theoretically, but theory means nothing without action.

As I stood across the plastic wall separating us from one another, all I could think was how frustrated I felt that my whole life was only about my kids. I was reflecting on the beginning of a new wave of situational discomfort in a pandemic—the start of school.

New things always take adjustment and I normally don’t care for many aspects of this time of year anyway. The return of a schedule controlled by the school district. Dreaded teacher meetings where I have to learn a new curriculum. And interacting with parents and school administrators who I feel are judging my every move and question because their insecurity is external, not internal like mine. “People are more concerned with themselves” my mother reminds me. Every year. But not now.

This year, thanks to COVID, that social anxiety was not so bad. The computer screen calmed my nerves. Not being in the school building kept the academic trauma of my past at bay. Surprisingly, the COVID induced virtual education gave me a different relief.

Really, this moment is only a blip in time. That is especially true for me, an adult who has been double digits more than four times over. For our kids though, COVID is a long time. For some it is 1/tenth or more of their lives. It is easy for a kid to get caught up in the short term, but an adult? I should know better.

Besides, shouldn’t parenting life be focused on our children? And by focused, I also mean role modeling in handling home and work life well—to indicate to them that no, they are not the center of the universe and yes, sometimes mom and dad (their caretakers) won’t always be there for them. After all, it is easier to fail in an environment of unconditional love than on their own. They are our future.

Normally I decorate and start pumpkins early to get my kids’ brains off of being at school and running around from one activity to the next. “To calm their stress”, I tell myself.

Truly, it’s a capitalistic decoration that is meaningless. Stuff I add to support my capitalistic lifestyle. But I want balance, meaning, not more things.

With COVID, I can take advantage of together time. It’s my only game in town. I’ve learned that it’s the one thing every kid longs for with their parents. It’s the one thing that doesn’t make them bratty. That eases their social anxiety. I don’t have to read a book to tell you that. Okay, in all honesty, I did read a parenting book that explained it, (I even found information on South Dakota State University that says “children who spend more quality time with parents are less likely to involve themselves in risky behavior”. In fact, if I spend ten quality minutes with each of my kids individually, they will leave me alone for over an hour.

How easily I can lose sight of that which I know. That which I’ve learned. Instead of appreciating what I am being given, instead of realizing balance will mean that sometimes I don’t get my goals accomplished and sometimes my kids will miss a little school. In lieu of understanding that, I was annoyed. I was resentful. I almost fed into behavior that fought against my beliefs and hopes for a better tomorrow. But thankfully, I ran into Doreen. What she said to me was right.

I spent the following weekend at a pumpkin patch with my kids and their friends. I got to pet an alpaca and connect with people outside who are important in my children’s lives—their friends and their friends’ parents. I enjoyed free time together without an agenda. And, although my kids did get pumpkins, the memory of hanging out with their friends and their parents at a farm was what will be remembered. Human connection, that is priceless.